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Experiencing refusal, notably when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, delivering a firm “No.” Being an author, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started proposing manuscripts half a century past, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had several works rejected, along with article pitches and numerous essays. In the last score of years, concentrating on personal essays, the denials have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection frequently—adding up to more than 100 times a year. In total, rejections in my profession run into thousands. Today, I could claim a master’s in rejection.

However, does this seem like a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. Because, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: Now, nearly every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my acceptance statistics—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 pieces in a row before accepting one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors vetoed my book idea before someone gave the green light. Later on, 25 representatives rejected a book pitch. A particular editor suggested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

The Phases of Rejection

When I was younger, each denial were painful. I took them personally. I believed my writing being rejected, but who I am.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? How could editors be ignore my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Certainly they rejected the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? It’s nonsense and the magazine is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at them, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (often seasoned with false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m not talented. What’s more, I can never become successful.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of creators whose books was initially rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was originally turned down. Since they did persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Most US presidents over the recent history had previously lost races. The actor-writer says that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to rouse me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Final Phase

As time passed, when I entered my senior age, I entered the final phase of setback. Understanding. Now, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a like work, or be planning one underway, or be considering a similar topic for a different writer.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the reader feels I am not qualified or reputation to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the content I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and read my piece too fast to appreciate its value.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Anything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are under your control. Admittedly, my ideas and work may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the point I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly dashes, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written two books—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a memoir, at older—and more than 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in publications large and small, in local, national and global outlets. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for 50 years.

However, no major hits, no author events in bookshops, no appearances on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can better take no at my age, because my, small successes have softened the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. So what lessons have I acquired?

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